Sweet bands almost no one listens to

I know these aren't like the most obscure bands ever, but if I wanted to write a blog about how much Necrovore kicked ass, I would have written a blog about how much Necrovore kicked ass. And they DID kick ass. Even if they never released more then a couple of demos.
I'd much rather write a post about albums you can(and should) buy at Amazon. So thats pretty much what I'm gonna do.

Well, on to the point. DEATHROW is pretty fucking sweet, and theres almost no one listening to it. At least not that I've heard of. If you like Slayer, and German thrash, you should definitely get their first album "Riders Of Doom", wich is heavy as shit. It even has satanic lyrics and all.


Just look at that cover. Fuck.






Next up is Holy Terror from LA. And Jesus fucking Christ, these guys are heavy. They released two albums back in the day, "Terror and Submission" in 87, and "Mind Wars" in 88. I'm getting a hard on just by thinking of how much these albums kick ass. The guitar work on both the albums are simply amazing, and Keith Deen's vocals are fucking awesome, he is singing, and really pissed off at the same time, who the fuck can do that?!

Heres a video of them playing Christian Resistance from their first album.








Next up is Viking. The name is pretty ridiculous, but the music sounds like some kind of mix between DRI, Evildead and Dark Angel. Which is pretty fucking rad.


After they recorded the first album "Do or Die" in 88, some of the members decided they were too brutal, so they became born-again Christians. Which sucked. And so did their second album. Anyway, their first album still is brutal as fuck. I couldn't find any videos, but check out the myspace.



Lets get back to Germany, and Minotaur. These guys are pretty fucking metal. When it comes to underrated German thrash, everyone is juts mentioning Exumer, and shit like that. These guys shit on Exumer. Just look at them, they are too metal to wear shirts. And they all have those cheesy tattoos. How more metal can it get? Thats right, none more metal.

Alestorm = Shit.

Ok, so there is this new band I see fucking everywhere. It's called Alestorm, and I hadn't heard of them until a few months ago, when they released a new album, I think.
Now they are headlining major fucking festivals everywhere, and everyone seems to like them. So I figured I'd see what all the fuzz was about. I looked them up on Metal Archives, and guess what? They call themselves "True Scottish Pirate Metal". I didn't just burst out in hysterical laugher like most people would, I got pissed off. You know, really angry.

And lets not forget about the photoshoot, these guys are all dressed up as pirates. Seriously, what the fuck? When the hell did pirates become metal? Thats right, they never was. They probably spent hundreds of bucks each to buy themselves some nice new pirate shit. They even got a goddamn boat, fuck.

So after getting really pissed off by looking at the metal archives entry, I gathered up enough courage to click the myspace link. And holy motherfucking shit, these guys are even gayer then I thought. The music sounds like a homosexual version of Blind Guardian, or Rhapsody or something. Fuck these guys, I thought Scotland was a pretty cool country. I guess its not, just because douchebags like these guys live there.

Why the fuck does so many people like this band? I mean, I knew there were a lot of 14 year old Pirates of the Caribbean (which is probably some of the crappiest movies ever) fans out there, but how can anyone seriously like this shit? Oh yeah, they are posers.

Anyone remember that band called Ensiferum? They were really popular a couple of years ago, probably sold shitloads of crappy albums, and then they kind of disappeared. Well I'm getting a bit of a deja vu vibe here, and I'm guessing the exact same thing will happen to our precious Alestorm. These guys and their fans are total wimps and posers and must leave the hall.


I also found this picture, and they were just asking for it.

Witching Metal

Ok, for my first entry, I'm gonna write about something I've been wondering about for a long time. What the fuck is the deal with black thrash bands and witches? Don't get me wrong, I love the genre and all, but fuck, there are just too many bands like Witchburner, Witchtrap, Witchhammer, Witchaven, Skeletonwitch (what the fuck?) ...and the list goes on. And if that ain't bad enough, just about every other band in the genre who doesn't have witch in it's name, almost certainly has a song title with witch in it.
We all know Sodom was pioneering the genre, and has quite a few songs about witches themselves, but fuck me, if this is all just a major fucking Sodom "worship", they are probably the most ripped off band in the history of heavy metal.
I guess burning witches is pretty a pretty metal thing to do, but one thing comes to mind; Isn't burning witches a Christian thing? You are damn right it is, even though most of these bands are pretty satanic and evil and all, they still want to spread some love for the good old inquisition.

The worst of all this is the fact that most of these bands kicks ass, and I'm digging the shit out of it. So I guess the thing is, if a band has witch in its name, it's probably guaranteed to be awesome music, but with pretty dull lyrics, even though witches are pretty metal.

Just for the hell of it, heres the lyrics to the Sodom song "Witching Metal". Go ahead, try to make sense of it.

"Witch, Bitch, no sleep in Sodom
God, Shock, last night for Satan
Spell, Hell, this fight is blind

Metal war Sodom
Wildfire Sodom
Bloodlust Sodom
Witching metal

Cries, Crime, Cross over Sodom
Fight, Might, Dust to Dust
Sinner, Winner, the fight is Blind

War, Law, Slave of Sodom
Lust, Gods, Unholy Times
Night, Light, this fight is might

Sodom! Wildfire Sodom!

We are Sodom"


Ok, so they aren't as bad as Kreator's lyrics, but fuck, they're trying.

Introduction and shit.

So, it seems everyone has a blog these days, so I though, fuck it, if they can, I can too. And i signed up for this bullshit. This blog will most likely be updated whenever the fuck I feel like it, and it will be mostly about heavy metal.

I haven't really read any blogs myself, because I've always thought they were dumb and boring. I still do actually. So I'm not quite sure how to do this, so I will start of by telling you something about myself.
My name and shit is not really of importance, so I'll skip that, and get to the point.

I did not grew up in the eighties, especially not in the bay area. I did not start collecting vinyl till I was about 16. I did not really like Spreading The Decease by Anthrax until just recently, And I can't stand the modern metal scene.

There you have it.