Alestorm = Shit.

Ok, so there is this new band I see fucking everywhere. It's called Alestorm, and I hadn't heard of them until a few months ago, when they released a new album, I think.
Now they are headlining major fucking festivals everywhere, and everyone seems to like them. So I figured I'd see what all the fuzz was about. I looked them up on Metal Archives, and guess what? They call themselves "True Scottish Pirate Metal". I didn't just burst out in hysterical laugher like most people would, I got pissed off. You know, really angry.

And lets not forget about the photoshoot, these guys are all dressed up as pirates. Seriously, what the fuck? When the hell did pirates become metal? Thats right, they never was. They probably spent hundreds of bucks each to buy themselves some nice new pirate shit. They even got a goddamn boat, fuck.

So after getting really pissed off by looking at the metal archives entry, I gathered up enough courage to click the myspace link. And holy motherfucking shit, these guys are even gayer then I thought. The music sounds like a homosexual version of Blind Guardian, or Rhapsody or something. Fuck these guys, I thought Scotland was a pretty cool country. I guess its not, just because douchebags like these guys live there.

Why the fuck does so many people like this band? I mean, I knew there were a lot of 14 year old Pirates of the Caribbean (which is probably some of the crappiest movies ever) fans out there, but how can anyone seriously like this shit? Oh yeah, they are posers.

Anyone remember that band called Ensiferum? They were really popular a couple of years ago, probably sold shitloads of crappy albums, and then they kind of disappeared. Well I'm getting a bit of a deja vu vibe here, and I'm guessing the exact same thing will happen to our precious Alestorm. These guys and their fans are total wimps and posers and must leave the hall.


I also found this picture, and they were just asking for it.